The other day I was walking into the lounge on the 15th floor of the Civic Opera Building when I saw a group of co-workers eating lunch. As they joked around, enjoying the 45 minutes away from the paperwork, I walked quietly to the opposite corner avoiding eye contact and the awkward “to sit and socialize or not to socialize” game. I always feel a mix of regret and relief during those moments. My co-workers are the opposite of the internet office horror stories. They are funny, intelligent, and quite friendly. And the brief instances I gather the courage and energy to learn more about them I truly enjoy it. But at work I’ve already established myself as that girl who’s pleasant, but definitely not the group joiner. And I’ve made myself comfortable in that chair- most of the time.
Which creates an endless cycle of inner turmoil. Why aren’t I like most people? Why do I care? I’m caring too much aren’t I? Maybe I’m just a perfectly awesome person that doesn’t have to be surrounded by people to be awesome…Well that sounds kind of narcissistic…. and I a narcissist? What’s wrong with me? Why aren’t I like most people? And so on an so forth.
I had been toying with the idea with Diary of a Chi Girl for quite some time, but never really had the motivation or confidence to do it. But in that moment, where I chose to lunch alone than with others for the simple fact of enjoying the peace and quiet of my own mind, I thought- what if there are other people just like me? Maybe all the self help books are true. Maybe I’m not alone. Maybe there is a whole intelligent, beautiful, sassy, shy community out there just waiting for someone to start the anonymous conversation?
Even I’m not that naive to think I’m the first one to figure this out and start writing about it. But I am ready to a least dip my toes in the water of the conversation. I hope to find more like myself and for others to want to listen, because I’ve had lots to say and I’m finally ready to say it. So that is my introduction to myself…basically a lot of endless thoughts and contradictions. But I’m excited to start the journey and to see what this can become. If you are contemplating joining me then I thank you and vow to these few simple rules…
- I will encourage positivity (most of the time). But note, do not confuse sarcasm for negativity.
- I will not judge based on ridiculous and stereotyped notions created by mobs of morons.
- I will talk about books, movies, and MUSIC- lots of music!
- I will look for beauty in every secret corner and unturned rock I can find.
- I will not apologize for the song that I sing.
-I am a Chi Girl, thanks for joining.